“My entire world has been decimated. I have been fully gutted. I am bleeding out, and the only person who could put an end to my pain, ran…“
I was in the throes of grief when I wrote that. This relationship has been the most exhilarating and excruciating I have ever experienced. I had NO idea love could be that next level, nor did I ever imagine I would encounter it personally. I always thought the soul-splitting and “twins don’t stay together” thing rather depressing at best, Certainly too woo-woo to glance back at, for sure. So I was immediately dismissive when I originally encountered that particular ideology.
Thankfully a fellow initiate told me her experience with her Twin Flame, when I needed to hear it most. It led me to research the phenomenon further. When I did, I knew there was a reason why I was meant to explore this topic. If one strips off the coo-coo veneer, there is a fascinating phenomenon going on here. It is occurring so frequently for folks, they got patterns, signs, and stages.*
I never saw my Twin face to face, although there were attempts to do so. Our relationship was not on the norm. I cannot possibly begin to explain what all occurred between us, such was the unusual nature of our relationship. But I can tell you, it was like nothing I have ever experienced before. In fact, it took any love I had experienced in the past, way beyond the pale. It was truly some kind of spiritual and symbiotic experience that I had no idea humans could have together. I pretty much thought all love was on par. And it most assuredly, is not. Not by a long shot.
Unfortunately, instead of lifting me to new heights, the intensity of this level of love ended up burning me to the ground. It was so over the top, I am quite certain I never want to feel anything like that again. I already struggle with my emotions, and this magnified the fuck out of them. I can see why most twins can’t hack it. For the Twin that is prepared to love hard like that, the rejection from the other one running is exponentially well… Crippling. Permanently so it seems?
I honestly think a far less passionate love might be preferable at some point. Something that allows me to actually breathe would nice. Something reciprocal, even better. That was a living hell. I’m still in Purgatory, not even close to being out of the pines… But I have survived the worst of the flames, and have taken flight to find someplace to finish healing. Because you know, someday….
I feel quite certain what happened to me was some kind of initiation. I believe the UD is preparing me to love, and be loved more deeply than I ever have, as a result of this experience. I am pretty excited about that. Because before, I wasn’t even thinking about love stuff. Now that I’ve seen what it can be like, it’s all I think about…
I am still researching this phenomenon. Here are some of the links I have been thru: